I think it's because I come from a big family, I've always lived in a busy city and close to ocean. Even when it's quiet there has always been the sound of wind in my ears. Silence is a sign of danger to me. If something or someone goes quiet, I automatically assume something is wrong. Did the machine just broke down? Why isn't he suddenly answering anymore, did something happen? They say that no news is good news, when we live in this time and age, the sudden stop of news is alarming.
I know there will be a day when even my mind goes quiet. I'm not afraid of that day. I think it will bring me peace from all this chaos in my mind. I'm not saying I have a wish for death, no sirree. I'm pretty happy as it as. Not always, of course, I have loads of gloomy moments. But with all the sorrow and ache, I still wouldn't change the disorder of the sounds of my mind to blankness. I'm nowhere ready to stop talking to my good old friend, darkness.
A friend of mine said he doesn't think in any language. His thoughts are more of ideas than words and sentences. In my head there's always words. Sometimes in English, mostly in Finnish, but it's always the same: a conversation I go over in my head with myself. I divide the activity of my mind into thoughts and feelings. Thoughts talk, feelings are more primal and more close to an idea. I'm starting to sound like a schizophrenic... Though I've always said I have 52 personalities plus one joker.
A friend of mine posted this to me the other day. I've seen it before, but it never loses its power for being reposted.
It's not about how loud it is in there. It's about what the voice tells you.
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