- Every woman has been harassed at some point of their life.
I have couple of those stories but I think the worst was when I didn't greet this one guy I passed on the street. It was a national holiday and he wanted me to wish him happy whatever back. When I didn't, he started to follow me and it ended in me slamming the front door of the apartment building I used to live in shut right in front of him. I think it's the feeling of helplessness that makes it worst. All I could do was run, if he'd catch me, there wouldn't be a thing I could've done to prevent him to hurt me - or worse.
- Sex is everywhere and yet it's considered to be something nasty, dirty and meant behind the closed curtains.
A lot could be done if people were more open about it and talk more about sex and sexuality.
- Loving yourself will help you to love others.
If you respect yourself, it's easier to respect others too. When we try to look for some kind of salvation from outside ourselves, we'll never be satisfied.
- When we mix love with need, we're in trouble. One guy in FB is quoting Jen Erasmith saying that we consider the message "I need you" as a romantic note.
Instead we should be saying "I love you. I don't need you, but I love you." and not confuse needing something sexual with loving someone. I know few young lads who think they love me when they clearly just need me. I don't mind being needed, it gives me the a sense of having a purpose in this world. But I am somewhat offended when they say they love me in a romantic way, because to me the need of me is so clear and the romantic love is nowhere to be seen.
- The original author which sparked the conversation claims that every woman wants to be taken with force. She says that this is a fantasy we replicate by leaving with a strange man knowing he could do anything he wanted to us.
I think this is rather dangerous claim. I'm not saying it's far fetched, because of course it's intriguing to think that someone finds you so desirable they just can't help what they do. But the danger lies in claiming this to be true for every woman. It gives the assaulter a reason, "she wanted this". Still, I agree that in the end we all want to be hit in the head with a club and be dragged to the cave. But I think this goes to men and women both. We all want to be wanted, needed, desired and loved. It's not really a surprise - and I'm fairly certain shouting that every women wants to be taken forcefully is not going to help the situation.
What caused this conversation was this clip:
The next clip YouTube suggested me was this:
At the very end of the last clip you can see quite genuine look of frustration in his face. The one I think most of us women know all too well. The look of "gtf out of my face".
Three clips, first explains the problem, second brings it to everyday life and third one seeks out the instant solution. I like the "What would you do?" -videos because they restore some of my faith in humanity.
I always say that we here in Finland are more okay with nudity because of sauna, but I think we don't know how to handle provocative clothes. If a woman walked on the street without any clothes, she'd possibly be left alone more than a woman with a shortshortskirt and an itsybitsytop. I used to think we Finns are like dwarfs: you are not suppose to tell apart the women and men, we all look the same. The problem arises, not when we take our clothes off, but when we point out the differences in genders. Hard labour and tough surroundings are what makes us Finns, there's no time for that sissy-beautystuff.
If you point out that you're a sexual person with your clothes, your style, your words, your butt or your boobs, you become some kind of a target. You loose part of your own... humanity when you become a sexual being. A sexual being doesn't have the same rights as a human being. You become the reminder that we're all sexual beings.
You know the feeling when you do something stupid in the heat of the moment? Ever had sex without protection? Ever sent a cleavage pic or or a dicture to some pretty random person? Ever left the bar to have a one-nightstand? Have you ever let things go a bit too far just because you wanted... it. Not him or her. Not anything specific. Just overwhelmed with lust or desire or whatever you want to call it and that has clouded your judgement.
I don't know if suppressed sexual desires provokes men to whistle at women on the streets but I do agree that talking about sex and sexuality openly is a good thing. It can't do harm to know there are other perspectives and it's not like you can really know too much about sex. It's not just about sex we should talk about openly: It's also about menstruation, bowl movement, even sweating and anything that is perfectly normal, happens to everyone and is so connected to your body functions that you can't separate it from your mind.
I think part of the problem is that we try to separate things that are bound together. Sex is not only part of your body, it's part of your mind too. I think the issue when harassment happens, is that we forget that the body is not just connected to the mind but a part of it and vice versa. I don't agree that people who harass sees their targets as just objects, they do know they are humans. They just forget that body and mind are not separated. And I think we all should know this when starting anything sexual with anyone: you might not hurt the body, but you can do severe damage to the mind. What you do can be creepy if the other person doesn't respond with the same feelings.
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