Today when I was walking back to the apartment, I noticed a little puddle on the ground and it's surface was frozen. I had to stop there, in the middle of the street, and poke it with my toes to see how thick the ice was. I don't ever wanna grow old!
This was written on a Tuesday 4th of December 2012:
"Winter surprised the blogger.
Everyone knew days ago it was going to snow soon. And still I was surprised. Autumn turned to midwinter in one night. It's lovely the world is more luminous and it's beautiful outside. The bad thing is it's freezing and slippery outside. I have to break the doctors rule and use the bracer/support-thingey even when not sleeping. If I slip and fall out there, I don't even want to imagine how badly it would end.
This new academic life is giving me grey hair from one thing and then some. Not only the reading for exams and coming up with essays and all that, but the "hands-on" arrangements. They aren't exactly used to students who are not in their best health and so the teachers are puzzled with me. I was given a paper that said I should contact "the services of disabled". With shock I stared at that paper and thought to myself that yeah, I guess I am handicapped. I mean, literally speaking I am disabled. I have a disability and I am a person, so that makes me disabled. I never considered myself as a disabled before. Always thought disabled people with immobilities or extreme mental retardation or something like that. I just have a little booboo. Booboo that makes me suffer through pretty tense pain if I type by hand more than ten words. It's starting to be more clear why this is difficult for the school, isn't it?
I went to the school's doctor to ask for a testimony that I need special planning when it comes to exams. I showed this paper forward and I got that paper to contact the disabled services. I sent them email, but got no answer. I know I should go there and talk to them, but to be honest, I really don't feel like it. The nagging feeling once again to have to go to explain to a stranger what's up. Especially I hate the fact that my handicap doesn't show, so I have to have dozen papers to prove there's something wrong with me and I have the right to have special treatment. I hate that. I wish I was like everyone else. I wish I didn't always have to emphasise my problems. I wish I didn't have to explain and prove. I wish I didn't get labelled as difficult and different. But I guess this is a thing hard to understand if one hasn't had similar experiences.
Good thing is that as a student I get steadily a little bit of money every month and I don't have to fight over it in government offices. I think it's better to get little that is certain than lots with fighting and uncertainty. And I can't say I lack anything, I have roof over my head and food in the fridge, sometimes I can even afford something extra.
With extra I mean things like this electronic cigarette thing I've got exited about. Five weeks ago I quit smoking real cigarettes and after that I've only puffed my e-cig. I still use nicotine in that machine, but my priority is to get rid of smoke and the habit first. I also use nicotine-free liquids to help me get rid of the bad habit. I am confident that one day I don't need that nicotine filled liquid either and the whole puffing will feel so silly, I give that up too.
This has been the best help to quit. No doubt. I've tried patches, inhalers, tried quitting easily, tried quitting cold turkey, but nothing worked. I have to point out that day five weeks ago was first day on this millennium I didn't smoke. And I'm damn proud of it. But this whole thing divides opinions in my friend circles. Mostly those who doesn't smoke themselves don't think I've quit. Those, in the other hand who do smoke, shares my joy of quitting.
I wish people could support more those who are trying to quit. I think one can achieve much more with honey than a whip. In the future I hope to tell more about my e-cig experiences but now I have to go farm my field for motes of harmony! :)"
One year later and I haven't smoked any real cigarettes. I still have some nicotine in my e-cig but I'm hoping next year that will end too. One of the doctors I've seen said that smoking could be part of my problem because it effects the joints and the bones and something like that. So, it's better not to smoke at all even though the damage might already be done.
(Just right now as I was writing this I heard a weird noise coming from the other room. Like a demonic whisper or something like that. There's no one else here. I'm scared. Hold me!)
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